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Updated: Mar 18

By: Dr. Darby

groom putting ring on brides finger

This week my husband and I celebrated 13 years of marriage. We owe it all to God. There have been some great times, some “ok” times, and some that felt impossible. Marriage has its ebbs and flows. It takes work, and each person has to be willing to participate in the work.

With the most recent story of Jada and Will Smith, we’ve watched/heard a microcosm of real marriage. If you haven’t watched “The Red Table” where Jada discussed the “entanglement” she was in with August Alsina, I encourage you to watch it or at least as much of it as you can. I will be honest that I’ve only been able to watch snippets for a variety of reasons. One reason is that it sounded as if she was restricted when discussing the topic. I’m not sure she could or would be entirely honest about what happened, and that could be because of feelings

bride and groom embracing hands

of embarrassment, hurt, etc. Secondly, it sounded as if August went to the Smiths for some mental/emotional help, and Jada may have taken advantage of that. Being a counselor, this also causes pause for me because it sounded like he was in a vulnerable state, and with Jada being older, she may have wanted to move differently. That’s a whole other post lol.

Now don’t get me wrong; it also sounds like Jada was in a vulnerable state as well as a result of things in her marriage, and she didn’t handle that well either. Which brings us back to the topic of marriage; at times, marriage may feel impossible. Maybe you’re arguing about money, infidelity has occurred, or dishonesty, and sometimes you just don’t want to be married. I speak from experience when I tell you I’ve had to pray, lay prostrate on the floor, go to therapy, talk to good friends, etc., to get to 13 years. We have had our share of ups and downs, and similarly to Will Smith, there were a few times where either or both of us said, “I’m done with you”!

On social media, we want to post all the good stuff right.  We need to talk about the not so good things as well. All marriages are different. Each person was raised differently, and then you try to merge, which is very complicated. And don’t throw kids into the mix because baby, that’s an entirely new level lol.

Marriage is not 50-50 quote

They say marriage is 50/50, but in reality, marriage has to be 100/100. You have to get you together.  You each have to be whole to become one. You won’t agree on everything, and at times you may need a break from each other. Marriage counseling is a huge piece of the puzzle as well. I encourage married people to explore all options before calling it quits. Ask yourself, “have I done all that I can do to make this marriage work?”.  Everyone has earned the right to be happy, you and no one else can define that!!

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